Blue

Can you keep a secret? My guess is that you dear internet are like me and have a hard time keeping anything to yourself. One thing that helps to distinguish me as a person is that I don't believe in hiding. Sometimes I try to hide and it just seems ridiculous. If I am feeling something, it is likely that it is obvious to everyone around me. I HATE not telling the truth. I HATE pretending I feel a certain way when I actually don't. If I feel great I want to share it and if I feel lousy why shouldn't people know? How am I going to feel better if I just swallow my feelings. No thank you. Not me.

I feel as if I have been hiding for the past few months in my daily life and boy is it getting old quick. Because I don't know people here really well I have had a hard time opening up. I always reach for my phone, but for real who wants a slew of unhappy phone calls? Blame it on the season, being lazy, the weather, piles of laundry what-ever feeling down is an all around lame situation ... especially when you are hundreds of miles away from the friends you have come to feel like you share parts of your soul with.

I had a moment the other night. Chris and I were standing in the kitchen and I saw his eyes move towards the sink. Before he could say a word I leapt into the air and laugh/shouted "I don't want to do the dishes" I began pounding gently on his chest exclaiming "I will get a job just get those dishes away from me" it's the kind of scene that I would include in my lifetime movie. It was more hilarious than dramatic. The moral of the story is I realized I need to get myself out of the house so that normal tasks can be normal tasks and not what I define myself by. I am not a dishwasher, a toilet scrubber, a vacuum diva, or an ironing board master. If you are sane enough to stay home and rock out while dusting more power to you. I'd currently like to keep these things on my to do list rather than my resume.

This is one of my first rambling personal posts. It will be the first of few I promise, I'm just sick of editing myself and hiding behind my happy posts. I am blessed that I have so many happy moments and hate to be a complainer.

Thanks internet for providing an outlet. To my dear friends, the truth is I miss you. I miss you terribly. I feel less myself the longer we go without each other. I thrive on your excitement for life and want so badly to be with you. There is no substitute for your positive energy. You continue to amaze and inspire me. I want to laugh, dance, teach, drink, brainstorm, work, learn, make art, and eclectically move with you. I'll get over this gloomy mood in no time, but know that I will always be missing you.